9. Thinks, "come" means to take off as fast as you can.
8. Was expelled from training school for sexually harassing a poodle.
7. You haven't seen the mailman in weeks!
6. Your garden hose is now the sprinkler system.
5. Your dog thinks his name is, "Stop it."
4. Thinks "fetch" means "bring the neighbor's cat."
3. Tries to mate with himself in the mirror.
2. Your favorite shoes are his favorite toys.
1. The only trick he knows is how to dig under the fence
